I used to be very ANGRY inside.
I had never really realized this until about a year ago now.
It was a quiet kind of angry.
I’m gonna say this lasted through my late teens all the way into my 30s.
On the outside I didn’t really show it.
Maybe it came through in some of my art.
My normal resting face is either referred to as sad or angry.
It’s just my face, I can’t help it. haha!
But yeah, I was jaded. Skeptical of the world as whole, pretty much.
I didn’t trust very many, because those I did trust, I usually ended up with a knife in my back with their name on it.
I’ve learned through self awareness and deep thought, that, you know, your experiences in life can mold your subconscious, and start to build walls of resistance to “protect” you.
Whether you know it or not, this can transcend over into your work life, the type of jobs you get stuck at. Your personal relationships… and your own mental health.
Unpacking that for myself a little more, I have to keep asking WHY.
Why was I REALLY angry inside? It wasn’t because a high school girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. 😂 Keep rewinding… back… back…
It’s because I was raised in a dysfunctional family.
I didn’t have a bad childhood by any means, it was just different.
In my 20s and 30s if someone would have told me I had childhood traumas I would have laughed at them! “No way! That’s silly!
I had a rad childhood, full of adventure, and imagination…
In my late 40s now, I realize that the reality.
MY IMAGINATION WAS MY ARMOR.
It shielded from topics I didn’t understand when I was a youngster.
I never realized my dad was an alcoholic,
or that my mom had some mental health issues.
I didn’t realize how many years went by where I was “left to my imagination”
The older I got, and the more I’ve lived… I came to the realization:
Nobody really knows
what the f#ck they’re doing.
We’re all just kinda “faking it until you make it.”
Every last one of us.
To our dying day.
We all figure it out as we go.
And that’s 1000% okay.
I didn’t realize I may have been subconsciously angry about a lot of those things until now.
That’s some deep stuff, man.
The good news is, I’m not angry anymore.
I haven’t felt angry inside in a very long time.
Those things that made me quietly angry inside, ultimately ended up shaping me into the man I am today.
And I have empathy for those who may have done me some kind of perceived wrong.
They probably have no idea.
It’s true what the experts say,
everyone IS battling
inside or outside.
All of us.
So what do you do when you realize all of this?
What did I do?
Seek real joy.
My imagination and escapism doesn’t have to be my armor anymore.
It can be a tool to heal and to help others in their journey.
If you’re actually reading this, I want you to know I appreciate you.
While I don’t know you personally, I know you have something heavy somewhere you’re trying to lift maybe on your own.
And if not yet… it will come.
You just have to keep going.
The only way out really IS through.
Don’t quit your passions.
Not for anyone
Are you ready? Let’s go…
TIME TO DRAW!!!
This week’s WEEKLY Drawing Challenge is…
“ROOM ON FIRE”
You know the deal. If you post to social, use tag #drawordieclub so we can all find each other.
I’m going live at 3pm EST on Youtube today (4/16)
Today’s Drawing Club Agenda:
Drawing Warm-Up Games! 🎲
Live Prompt Challenge (Mashup)
Live Chat QnA! (ask me anything)
Potential GIVEAWAY… (but you gotta pay attention!)
THE DEEP WORK: At the end, I’m jumping in to deep work on a new freelance project i was hired to do. Come check it out. It also will show you a great opportunity that’s out there for cartoonists…
OH! And at 2PM EST on the Youtube channel, I’m trying something a little new. Check this link after two, and let me know what you think in the comments THERE.
See you soon!
☠️ JOIN THE DAILY DRAWING CLUB! CHECK OUT THE PERKS!
✏️ DIGITAL TOOLS FOR ARTISTS: Custom Brushes, Templates & Prompts
▶️ DRAW or DIE on YOUTUBE (Tutorials & more)
This hits home so much, even when I feel like giving up on doing art, it is what has pushed me through all the downs, and ups through life.
Bill Bixby, “Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.' Yeah, been there myself, angry drawing. Angry for the better part of my thirties, simmering there quietly. A former friend of mine was engaged and not many of us liked her, I went as far as doing a sketch of a likeness of her as a Godzilla sized bride coming down 5th Ave in NY. Groom annd bride didn’t like that lol. Angry at people for not buying my art, for not hiring me, etc etc. Nothing was ever given to me, so I’ve had to work twice as hard as some, while some have had it easy, and others just gave up. I’m not the same person I was, grown definitely and a lot less angry. Part of that has to do with meeting my wife, I definitely mellowed out.