I used to be very ANGRY inside.
I had never really realized this until about a year ago now.
It was a quiet kind of angry.
Iām gonna say this lasted through my late teens all the way into my 30s.
On the outside I didnāt really show it.
Maybe it came through in some of my art.
My normal resting face is either referred to as sad or angry.
Itās just my face, I canāt help it. haha!
But yeah, I was jaded. Skeptical of the world as whole, pretty much.
I didnāt trust very many, because those I did trust, I usually ended up with a knife in my back with their name on it.
Iāve learned through self awareness and deep thought, that, you know, your experiences in life can mold your subconscious, and start to build walls of resistance to āprotectā you.
Whether you know it or not, this can transcend over into your work life, the type of jobs you get stuck at. Your personal relationshipsā¦ and your own mental health.
Going Deeper
Unpacking that for myself a little more, I have to keep asking WHY.
Why was I REALLY angry inside? It wasnāt because a high school girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. š Keep rewindingā¦ backā¦ backā¦
Itās because I was raised in a dysfunctional family.
I didnāt have a bad childhood by any means, it was just different.
In my 20s and 30s if someone would have told me I had childhood traumas I would have laughed at them! āNo way! Thatās silly!
I had a rad childhood, full of adventure, and imaginationā¦
ā¦right?
In my late 40s now, I realize that the reality.
MY IMAGINATION WAS MY ARMOR.
It shielded from topics I didnāt understand when I was a youngster.
I never realized my dad was an alcoholic,
or that my mom had some mental health issues.
I didnāt realize how many years went by where I was āleft to my imaginationā
The older I got, and the more Iāve livedā¦ I came to the realization:
Nobody really knows
what the f#ck theyāre doing.
Weāre all just kinda āfaking it until you make it.ā
Every last one of us.
To our dying day.
We all figure it out as we go.
And thatās 1000% okay.
I didnāt realize I may have been subconsciously angry about a lot of those things until now.
Thatās some deep stuff, man.
The good news is, Iām not angry anymore.
I havenāt felt angry inside in a very long time.
Those things that made me quietly angry inside, ultimately ended up shaping me into the man I am today.
And I have empathy for those who may have done me some kind of perceived wrong.
They probably have no idea.
Itās true what the experts say,
everyone IS battling
with something
inside or outside.
All of us.
You.
So what do you do when you realize all of this?
What did I do?
Seek real joy.
My imagination and escapism doesnāt have to be my armor anymore.
It can be a tool to heal and to help others in their journey.
If youāre actually reading this, I want you to know I appreciate you.
While I donāt know you personally, I know you have something heavy somewhere youāre trying to lift maybe on your own.
And if not yetā¦ it will come.
Thatās life.
You just have to keep going.
The only way out really IS through.
Donāt quit.
Donāt quit your passions.
Your art.
Your life.
Not for anyone
or anything.
Deal?
Are you ready? Letās goā¦
TIME TO DRAW!!!
This weekās WEEKLY Drawing Challenge isā¦
āROOM ON FIREā
You know the deal. If you post to social, use tag #drawordieclub so we can all find each other.
Iām going live at 3pm EST on Youtube today (4/16)
Todayās Drawing Club Agenda:
Drawing Warm-Up Games! š²
Live Prompt Challenge (Mashup)
Live Chat QnA! (ask me anything)
Potential GIVEAWAYā¦ (but you gotta pay attention!)
THE DEEP WORK: At the end, Iām jumping in to deep work on a new freelance project i was hired to do. Come check it out. It also will show you a great opportunity thatās out there for cartoonistsā¦
OH! And at 2PM EST on the Youtube channel, Iām trying something a little new. Check this link after two, and let me know what you think in the comments THERE.
See you soon!
ā ļø JOIN THE DAILY DRAWING CLUB! CHECK OUT THE PERKS!
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ā¶ļø DRAW or DIE on YOUTUBE (Tutorials & more)
This hits home so much, even when I feel like giving up on doing art, it is what has pushed me through all the downs, and ups through life.
Bill Bixby, āMr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.' Yeah, been there myself, angry drawing. Angry for the better part of my thirties, simmering there quietly. A former friend of mine was engaged and not many of us liked her, I went as far as doing a sketch of a likeness of her as a Godzilla sized bride coming down 5th Ave in NY. Groom annd bride didnāt like that lol. Angry at people for not buying my art, for not hiring me, etc etc. Nothing was ever given to me, so Iāve had to work twice as hard as some, while some have had it easy, and others just gave up. Iām not the same person I was, grown definitely and a lot less angry. Part of that has to do with meeting my wife, I definitely mellowed out.